Log in

No account? Create an account
--Let the World Change You and You can Change the World-- [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

(no subject) [Oct. 26th, 2010|03:44 pm]
To the love of my life....I'm forever yours.....

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

I love you Monte.
Link30 comments|Leave a comment

(no subject) [Jun. 12th, 2005|11:56 pm]
I have a new lj.  not2be_owned .  I'll transfer everyone on my friends list, and it's a public journal.
LinkLeave a comment

(no subject) [Jun. 11th, 2005|09:02 pm]
I don't know if he still loves me. Then again, I'm not sure if he ever did really. I'd like to think he did, or does. I dunno. I just hurt. I meet with UCI Monday. Jesus, I don't know if I'll get in. I really need to get in. I need something in my life to go right.

It bothers me, all of this. I feel like this is a huge mistake, leaving without fighting for Monte back. I should have gone to his house. I really should have.

He claims he doesn't want to be weak, but I think he's doing something worse...he's ignoring his heart. And what will happen when it's too late for us? And for what? For the sake of pride. I dunno.

I'm in Cali. In all I've had plenty of attention, but all have been unwanted and today I cried. I hadn't cried the whole trip. I was just numb. But when I unpacked into my room, I just crumbled. I don't think he cries anymore. That's good. I really hope he finds someone who makes him happy. I just wish that someone was me.
LinkLeave a comment

(no subject) [Jun. 11th, 2005|02:41 pm]
I'm in Cali now. Tranfers and everything are being done, my room is ready for me. I dunno. It all seems so meaningless. I hope he is happy. And I mean that in a nice way.
Link3 comments|Leave a comment

(no subject) [Jun. 8th, 2005|09:19 pm]
Well Lana and Ron came and Debb and them left with most of the stuff and Lana and Ron got some kicten stuff. Everyone has been really super in handling the train wreck I've been. My mother has me on some heavy sleeping pills, but took me off cause she said I was really jumpy and kept asking for Monte....I guess I was so out of it I didn't realize he was gone. I dunno. I hurt so bad. And I don't think he does at all. I think he's just angry. Lots of anger. And his family is way too involved too. My mom told me to stop talking to Monte and I told her no it's my life and my heart. I wish Monte would do the same, but I think may be he needs all this anger in order to push back the pain. I dunno. May be he just didn't love me as much as I love him. I dunno. I do know is that I begged. I begged and begged. I tried to save stuff that I thought might mean something to him despite my mother trying to throw it away, I know him, and I know us. In a month from now he'll calm down. In fact, when I'm in Cali, it'll hit hard. And then, perhaps, he'll be calm enough to talk to me.

I dunno.

I want him back. I want to kiss him, to hold him, to pour my heart into his. But I can't he doesn't want it. I wish I could give him the world he wants. I wish I could take his disappointments and pain away from him.

On the upside, one law school has said I'm in once my B.S. is complete. You'd think that would make me okay, but I don't care. I dunno if I even want school anymore. Dad was thrilled over it, set up a meeting with a university to do cram sessions so I can hurry up and do my stuff. But like I said, what's the point? There is no point. I was the astronomer, not the lawyer. I did the law cause I figured it was more sensible for us. Cause he wanted the city and I couldn't very well study the stars in a city, and law is okay, but I figured it would just make better sense than astornomy. I dunno. I'm completely lost now. I don't know what to do with my life. Dad is going to put into flying lessons again, and farsi lessons, violin lessons, work, anything and everything to keep my busy. He told me that's how to handle a broken heart. I dunno. I don't want to do anything. I want to lay in bed and cry and sleep and cry some more.

I bet he no longer cries either.

And it's so hard to see couples. So hard....

It's like my world is over.
LinkLeave a comment

(no subject) [Jun. 8th, 2005|04:05 pm]
Well Monte is being a real pleasure. He's convinced it's all a lie. Misty told me that all that shit was up to Monte and not my father. The other dude was Debb's son, which Monte never met Debb and her son, her son took most of our stuff for his apartment he's moving into. So "BAHAHAHA" on that shit you fucking prick. Anyways, now he says I'm the one that moved the break up into action. WHo has been desperately trying to get him back? Me, not him. It's going to be a sad day when he realizes how much he really does love and that no one else will love him as deeply as I do. Hell, I carried his child. Our child. All in vain. Goddamn it to hell. He doesn't care. He's so caught up in his family bad mouthing me that he just lives in it. Well I didn't fuck anyone but him so everyone else needs to stay the fuck out of it. If he wants to goddamn talk to me, than give your ADULT son the phone. It's his life, no one elses, and no one needs to fuck with it. I was suppose to leave yeasterday, but it's my life and I'm waiting for him. But at 3 am I'm leaving. I'm trying. He broke my heart. YOU BROKE MY HEART YOU BASTARD! You broke my heart....and I'm still so in love with you.
LinkLeave a comment

(no subject) [Jun. 6th, 2005|07:27 am]
This is no long a friends only journal. M moved out Saturday. I haven't eaten since Friday. I haven't slept since Friday. I throw up water. Yesterday my car finally died. I waited three hours for the cab,and I have no idea if the tow truck came.

I just can't believe that M is gone. I cried in the cab, I cried at work. Last night I swore he was next to me talking to me, but I think I'm so tired that I'm seeing things. I sleep in a nest of his clothes. All of this is killing me. I would give my life up for one last kiss... I'm in the ets crying. I didn't cheat on him. Yes, I was alone with James, but I swear on my love for M that nothing happened. I even hated having to babysit the guy. All I wanted was M. All I want is M. Please come back.... I swear to God, you can give me a lie detector test, I"LL PAY FOR IT! I did not cheat on you M. I LOVE YOU!!! I love you with all my heart. I can't go on like this... I don't want anyone but you. I don't want to love anyone but you. Please, come back to me.... Please, before my mother drives me away from you. I'll give up talking to my entire for you! I'll do anything! Just please.....Don't let me live a life without you...
Link6 comments|Leave a comment

A public entry! My God has the world ended???!!! [Mar. 28th, 2005|09:29 pm]
No, my loving friends, it has not ended, but I have to make this stuff stop before it getts started again.

Today I checked my email and found this.

_Somebody replied to your LiveJournal comment in which you said:

Can you trace the ip address of that moron who replied to my comment?
Their reply was:
Subject: Fat Yankee-loving bitch
Why you're so bitchy again tiffy, I told you I'm sorry to get you pregnant. After you had your abortion I've been f***ing you in the **s only as you said, so what's your problem fat bitch!

PS: nice name you picked "Persian Rose"!!!
If you're Persian, then I'm tammy from alabamy. And if you're a rose, then s**t is a flower.

Now I know who it is. I think we all know who it is even if you don't know me as a person. I don't know what happened. I was commenting on how Iraq could have a similar fate like Iran had *quick freedoms leading to complete tyranny*. Anyhow, there was a reply about how middle easterns were lowly and all that crap and I said, wow kiddo, you have some fucked up issues. Which I think is true cause I think any form of prejudice is uncalled for and immature. Than I asked how can you trace the ip address of the moron who said that. *Cause I wanted to see if they were a pro-war communtiy or white power something*. Anyhow, than I got that comment and click. I knew who it was.

Anyhow, I'm sorry if I have offended you any way and I want you to know that I didn't mean it. I also want you to know that I won't fight with you. I have no reason to. Again I'm really really sorry if I've hurt your feelings or offended you in anyway. I know I must have done something wrong to make you upset. If I can make it up to you, please let me know.

Love Always,
Link10 comments|Leave a comment

Note to newbies [Oct. 26th, 2004|03:42 pm]
Darlings, glad you stopped by. Due to rude comments I have recieved by non lj users, I have made a new friends only journal...but fear not! If you have a lj and comment I will add you no matter what! No haters here! So if you've been secertly reading this, please come out of the darkness and into the wonderful light of the Tiffy!

Link9 comments|Leave a comment

[ viewing | most recent entries ]